The Lighter Side — Tuesday, August 4, 2026 at 4:15 PM

#1The Monologue

Texas announced it's betting "Y'all Street" can take on Wall Street, as Goldman Sachs shells out seven hundred million dollars to build an eight-hundred-thousand-square-foot campus in Dallas, eventually housing over five thousand finance professionals...none of whom, reportedly, were asked if they wanted to live in Dallas.
Re: Why Texas is betting 'Y'all Street' can take on Wall Street — NPR

President Trump signed an executive order creating a new commission to support military spouses and families. The commission will be chaired by Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth's wife -- who was previously best known for attending classified military briefings she had not been cleared to attend. Now she has a title. Progress.
Re: Trump creates military spouse commission headed by Pete Hegseth's wife — The Hill

The Trump administration announced a major federal grant to fund medical supply drones flying over Rwanda...while simultaneously cutting all other U.S. aid to Rwanda. So Rwanda is losing the check...but keeping the delivery. Which is exactly how Amazon Prime works, so frankly, we've been here before.
Re: Headlines for Tuesday, August 4, 2026 — Kansas Public Radio / NPR

#2Top Dogs Ride Waves at Annual World Dog Surfing Championships

The 10th Annual World Dog Surfing Championships concluded Saturday at Linda Mar Beach in Pacifica, California, where dogs of all sizes competed in surf heats, a tandem dog-and-human division, and a fashion show. Thousands of people attended to watch. The ocean was there too.

#3Idaho Family Claims Record-Breaking 200th Guinness Title via Hungry Hungry Hippos

Serial record-breaker David Rush and his family in Idaho officially broke the Guinness World Record for fastest completion of Hungry Hungry Hippos by a team of four, clocking in at 3.75 seconds using only one finger each. The feat marks Rush's 200th concurrently-held Guinness World Record title, making him only the third person in human history to reach that milestone.

#4Fireplace-Imprisoned Library Book Returns to Australia, 150 Years Late

A man renovating his home in Kiama, Australia discovered "Antiquities of Athens" bricked inside a sealed fireplace in a tea crate and returned it to the local library, approximately 150 years after it was checked out. The estimated late fine, adjusted for inflation, is roughly 28,000 Australian dollars. The library's borrower records from the 1870s are gone. Whoever did this got away with it.

#5Meanwhile, In Satire

'U.S. Instates Military Wife Draft' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/u-s-instates-military-wife-draft/

'RFK Starts Off Cooking Show With Reminder To Always Cook Raccoon To At Least 165 Degrees' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/rfk-starts-off-cooking-show-with-reminder-to-always-cook-raccoon-to-at-least-165-degrees

'Trump Warns Iran This Is Their Fourth-To-Last Chance At Peace' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-warns-iran-this-is-their-fourth-to-last-chance-at-peace

'Adorable Dog Mayor of Small Town Approves Data Center' — The Hard Times, https://thehardtimes.net/culture/adorable-dog-mayor-of-small-town-approves-data-center/

#6Caiman on the Loose at Oklahoma Mobile Home Park

Authorities in Cleveland County, Oklahoma issued a public warning after a pet caiman escaped its owner's home at the Sunnylane Estates mobile home park in Norman. The Cleveland County Sheriff's Office urged residents to keep pets indoors and call 911 if they spot the animal, which can grow anywhere from three to ten feet in length.

#7The Groaner

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.