#1The Monologue
Warren Buffett stepped down as chairman of Berkshire Hathaway this week at ninety-six, telling shareholders that "Father Time always wins." He's staying on the board as chairman emeritus — because at Berkshire, even retirement is a long-term hold. Re: CNBC
Brussels unveiled a plan this week for an EU-wide social media ban for children under thirteen. Response from children under thirteen was swift and unanimous — they are all, in fact, forty-one. Re: UPI
British lawmakers are urging the government to reject a thirteen-point-four billion dollar takeover of Thames Water, a utility currently buried under a mountain of debt. So at last — a water company with a liquidity problem. Re: UPI
Two chimpanzees got out of their enclosure at the Taipei Zoo on Friday and wandered into a public area before keepers tranquilized them and returned them home. The zoo says it's reviewing the enclosure.
A painting bought for thirty dollars at a Michigan estate sale turned out to be a lost work by the surrealist Gertrude Abercrombie. It's now expected to sell at auction for as much as a quarter million dollars.
Conagra Brands unspooled a Slim Jim measuring four hundred twenty-nine feet and five-point-four inches in Omaha, Nebraska. Guinness World Records certified it as the longest meat snack ever made.
An unbridled horse bolted before the start of the Desfile de La Gente parade in Santa Fe, prompting a response from motorcycle officers, bicycle officers, animal services and drone operators. Cowboys and police cornered it on Canyon Road and the owner walked it back in time for the parade.
#7The Groaner
I asked the librarian whether they had any books on paranoia. She leaned in and whispered, "They're right behind you."
